tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70510263589264943732024-02-20T00:23:44.679-08:00THOUGHTS FROM THE MIND-BRAINMan thoughts about man things that men likeDwight R. Vlahoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14821571335609602842noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051026358926494373.post-4032447674901387272007-03-25T11:53:00.000-07:002007-04-08T12:38:28.698-07:00COMING SOON: World Wide Exclusive Interview with J-Bolt!I have been working my mind-brain on an interview to publish with J-bolt very soon. It was originally conducted in February but it has been delayed due to 'adult' concerns from my wife, Ilsa.<br /><br />Ilsa has limited the amount of time I can spend on the Internet. For a woman, she has a surprising grasp of mathematics and how to manipulate men with 'adult' favors. In the case of us, the formula she has developed is free time minus time on the internet plus money equals the amount of time we can spend in connubial fusion.<br /><br />As an aside, this is why Hillary Clinton could make a formidable President if she didn't suffer from two major problems. Her two biggest problems are that (1) she is not very attractive and (2) she is a Demoncrat. Yes, I used the word Demoncrat, because that best describes them. Now, if Ann Coulter was running it would be in the bag. She somehow manages to think like a man AND be attractive. It is hard to follow her woman logic at times, but when it's man logic it does make me feel a little wierd. I mean, it's like I'm listening to a man AND feeling adult stirrings. But there's no conflict. Sometimes I just turn off the sound and watch her, and imagine her saying adult things to me. Ilsa doesn't mind. She considers those times when <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >I watch the old VHS tapes of Ann Coulter</span> as, "time off." Like when I am working on an editing project or painting model ships.<br /><br />What does this have to do with j-bolt? Nothing! But ...<br /><br /><span class="fullpost"><br />... this is a blog and so mind-thoughts often come spilling out into it. So the next thing now? The interview with J-Bolt, world famous on the Internet for his art, is coming soon. There is one follow-up I have to do, but after that it should be almost ready to appear EXCLUSIVELY HERE unless it also appears other places, but it is EXCLUSIVELY FIRST HERE!<br /><br />Zoombaboom Babies!<br /><br />Dwight R. Vlahos<br /><br /></span>Dwight R. Vlahoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14821571335609602842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051026358926494373.post-35631238964732377712007-03-13T18:53:00.000-07:002007-04-08T12:37:35.770-07:00OFF TOPIC - The Great Global Warming Swindle is the most important thing you will ever see everThere is a small disident movement that is growing into a larger movement that is trying to get the truth about "global warming" out in the open. Everyone with a brain knows that the Earth is not getting warmer.<br /><br />The Great Global Warming Swindle<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XttV2C6B8pU">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XttV2C6B8pU</a><br /><br />Now, there are 'sources' which claim that the movie is full of 'junk science' and 'inaccuracies' and everything. In fact, a so-called <span style="font-size:180%;">'source' claims that the movie has many distortions and errors</span>.<br /><br />The real global warming swindle<br />A Channel 4 documentary claimed that climate change was a conspiratorial lie. But an analysis of the evidence it used shows the film was riddled with distortions and errors. By Steve Connor<br /><a href="http://news.independent.co.uk/environment/climate_change/article2355956.ece">http://news.independent.co.uk/environment/climate_change/article2355956.ece</a><br /><br />You would think that this would end up being laughed off as ridiculous. But there IS a conspiracy at foot. Because if you look here one of the people in the movie has said that he was lied to about his role in the movie and also about what the movie was going to be about PROVES IT THAT THE CONSPIRACY IS REAL!<br /><br /><span class="fullpost"><br />Climate scientist 'duped to deny global warming'<br />Ben Goldacre and David Adam<br />Sunday March 11, 2007<br />The Observer<br /><a href="http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2031455,00.html">http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2031455,00.html</a><br />"A leading US climate scientist is considering legal action after he says he was duped into appearing in a Channel 4 documentary that claimed man-made global warming is a myth. Carl Wunsch, professor of physical oceanography at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, said the film, The Great Global Warming Swindle, was 'grossly distorted' and 'as close to pure propaganda as anything since World War Two'."<br /><br />Now if you have a non-brain, you would think that this is clear evidence that there's something wrong with the movie. BUT THIS PROVES THE CONSPIRACY! Because the Global Warming Cabal is so deep that it can make a person say such things! Yes, I know, Exxon-Mobil is the largest corporation in the world, they have funded some anti-global warming campaigns, blah blah blah. But Exxon-Mobil couldn't have made someone say the opposite of what they were saying, so it must be the mind-control powers of the Global Warming Conspiracy Cabal. I mean, even this documentary is largely secret and wasn't broadcast on a major network, again proving how hard it is to get the world to hear the conspiracy.<br /><br />Anyway, the Global Warming conspiracy is as real as hot sauce on ice-cream and tastes as good as rubber tires on tacos. I cannot be more clear than this at all.<br /><br />Zoombaboom Babies!<br />Dwight R. Vlahos<br /></span>Dwight R. Vlahoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14821571335609602842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051026358926494373.post-15229384756368192762007-02-09T18:56:00.000-08:002007-04-08T12:36:53.294-07:00Underwear Heroes: What's the Appeal?I have a love/hate (but mostly hate) relationship with Underwear Heroes in general. The majority of comic books produced in the world and in the America are <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">stories featuring superhumans running around with their underwear outside of their pants</span></span> ... <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">HELLO HUMANS THAT IS NOT NORMAL!</span> </span>It is creepy for the most part, like watching a Shakespearian play where all the women parts are played by men with men parts, and realizing the men playing the women parts are more attractive than your wife. Not my wife, though, I like Ilsa's little moustache!<br /><br />The important question on this here, though, is what the heck is the big deal about these underwear heroes in the first place at all? There are some comics that treat haivng supernatural extreme powers in a realistic, adult manner and, though I find it shocking, they end up making perfect sense. Like Identity Crisis manages to take the ludicrously inane concept of underwear hero drama and turn it into an engaging, perfect mystery with a conclusion that rivets and rocked a group of heroes and forced them to question their very morals! It felt like what I have to do, day after day, in my own life of dramatic choices. Except the clothes were different. So, why does Identity Crisis make for a perfect Underwear Hero book where all others fail?<span class="fullpost"><br /><br />The answer is, of course, relatability to other humans. Science fiction concepts make sense to people because they are based on the realness of science, coupled with the emotions that we all understand.<br /><br />Some underwear comics capture this and some characters personify it in their character pepole. There are many of the comics that I've waxed and waned with that some, yes, have appeal. I understand Cyclops as a character, very well, having warn glasses all my life. There are times where I've been so 'angry' that I felt like if I took my glassess off that I would blast someone in the face with optic rays. Once that actually happened to me. I got so angry that I took off my glasses and hit someone in the face with an optic blast. Except it wasn't red laser beams, it was spit. And the spit came out of my mouth, not my eyes. Otherwise it was exactly the same as shooting someone with laser eyes. Then I got punched in the ear.<br /><br />But it all made sense with the ruby laser beams because I could relate to it! This is where most underwear hero books come out stupid. Superman is the worst idea ever for a character because he is fake science-fiction. For one, his personality makes no sense. For another, his powers come with barely any restraints. He is never in any danger, and the one thing that does seem dangerous to him is a glowing green rock. THAT IS STUPID AND UNRELATABLE! Also, there are no adult life lessons to learn in stories about a guy in his long-johns flying around who's afraid of glowing green rocks, except for, hey, if you meet a guy in blue underwear who says, "Get that rock away from me!" it's a good time to find that guy a home. So, that's Superman, a guy who should be in a home for the mentally crippled.<br /><br />Identity Crisis, however, offers something relatable. Now, unless you have had your head stuck up your own butt for the last few years, you've probably seen or read about this comic. Let me sum it up. Some stupid guy who's like Plastics Guy (who's name is Elonging Man) has a wife who ends up burned up in a mystery. The mystery is so complicated and has so many twists and turns that Batman (who is supposedly a great world detective) can't figure it out what happened and how Elonging Man's wife died. There are funerals, then it gets into real world territory. It turns out Elonging Man's wife had been raped by a criminal. As a husband, I know that knowing something like that would devastate me. It was good to see a story that dealt with how a man would have to deal with a his woman's rape. We've seen the stories about how women deal with it, blah blah blah, but what about the man's feelings in this kind of situation?<br /><br />Then it turns out that Atom Man (a guy who shrinks) has a crazy wife, and his crazy wife is the one who killed the other one. The crazy Atom Man's wife shrank, jumped into the Elonging Man's wife's brain, then killed her on accident, then burned her up with a flamethrower that she brought with her. The reason why none of the men could figure it out? Simple--none of it makes any sense! The reason none of it makes any sense? BECAUSE A WOMAN DID IT! WOMEN DO NOT MAKE ANY KIND OF BRAIN SENSE! So, here's another real world life lesson, for men in the real world, women are constantly doing things that make no sense, which is why we do not understand them.<br /><br />This comic helped me realize that the problems I've had with my wife were because of this simple fact sinking in again, thanks to this comic. She does not make sense because she is a woman, and they do not make sense. Identity Crisis is all about women doing things that do not make sense, from erasing people's mind brains to bringing flame throwers with them everywhere, to other things that do not make sense. It helps remind us that women really are creatures with a different way of thinking from the men.<br /><br />If only all comic books about underwear hereos had such great, emotional and real themes, then maybe they'd all be worth reading. If you know of any underwear hero books that might be worth reading, I MIGHT be willing to check it out. But it had better have something real and adult in it without any phoney baloney, or it's just more moron crap.<br /><br />Zoombaboom Babies!<br /><br />Dwight R. Vlahos<br /></span>Dwight R. Vlahoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14821571335609602842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051026358926494373.post-71177190086928394682007-02-08T19:08:00.000-08:002007-04-08T12:32:10.626-07:001. Comic Books are NOT for children. Period.THE LIST: THINGS TO MAKE A GOOD COMIC BOOK (#1 of an ongoing series of writings)<br /><br />In my year(s) of professional freelance editorial experience it has come to my attention, and to the attention of anyone who has paid attention to the ups and downs of the comic book business industry that it is a cyclical business. As in, it turns like a circle, sometimes bringing people up to a peak like a Ferris Wheel and at other times tipping those same Ferris Wheel people down like people on a Ferris Wheel without proper seat restraints. It brings you up and it dumps you down.<br /><br />But there are certain things, if you have the sense to realize it, that do not and should not change. In comics there are rules that are rules not because they are written down, but because they are so true that there is no denying them. I am now writing down these rules for people because so many seem to violate them and create sub-superior bad work. <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >There would be less bad work in comic books and the comic book industry if everyone would take it more seriously</span> than they do, from fans to professionals like me. So without more explaining, it is now time for the list. Item number one to help comics become the serious evolved art they should be.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><br />1. Comic Books are NOT for children. Period.</span><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br />This should be an obvious point to any non-moron in the world. Unfortunately the world is full of morons in more quantity than non-morons. So, this is an explaination for morons in the hope that they can be converted by that quality called Common Sense.<br /><br />Most children do not read very well. This is a well known scientific fact. If you have to 'dumb down' a comic so a child can understand the words in it, that is a sign that the writing will be bad and not contain any themes that an adult would find interesting. Adults want stories about other flying adults, not flying adults who children can understand. I have read far, far, far, far, far, far too many comics that were 'dumbed down' for kids. When they are dumbed down for kids, you don't get great stories for adults that explore adult themes.<br /><br />Take the X-Men movies. These are most obviously set in a 'comic-booky' kind of world and talk down to the audience. They do not consider what it would be like to have the ability to fly in the real world, or have mental powers, or to have indestructible claws and super computers. When entertainment is done CORRECTLY, it helps prepare people for the real world.<br /><br />Dirty Harry, for example, helps many conservatives people like myself think through crime and gun control issues. If you were faced with Al Kaida Nazi Commies in your house, and you had a gun, then you would love to be ready to say, "Go ahead make my day!" to give you enough courage to blow away the evil-doer.<br /><br />So, that is what adult stories get us ready for. They get us ready to be adults or help adults to be ready for situations that could someday happen. With the world moving as fast as it is it will not be long before people become bullet proof and can travel through time and fly around. That is science and how it works!<br /><br />Normally I stay away from Distinguished Competition comics, but I picked up a few issues of Identity Crisis. This comic broached a lot of real world subjects that are going to be important to us soon. What happens when the day comes that people CAN shrink themselves down to tiny tiny sizes and use that advantage to travel through telephones, jump into peoples ears, then murder those same people by walking around on their brains? Also the rape "issue" while normally a feminazi concern, is used to good affect in this story because it brings up a very real world concern. The rape question in Identitify Crisis makes you ask yourself, "What happens when we have science-based superheroes living above us who can make 'bad people' forget things? How do we decide who is bad or good and who decides that? Who keeps an eye on the other people who are watching us?" It might not seem like an important issue now, but I guarantee you that if the U.N. has their way, we all know that soon such a reality will come to pass all too soon.<br /><br />So that is the fine line to cross. While children may be enlightened to the truths of the coming real world, the adult themes would most likely make them cry, and then get the womens groups all upset, and then suddenly the real, valuable adult themes go away and what happens? Suddenly the One World Government has got tiny people murdering us over the phone--and no one is ready at all to stop it.<br /><br />Personally and profesionally, I think that it is important that we are ready to fight the coming horribleness, in order to PROTECT the children from it. Otherwise, we'll all be too dumb to fight it when it comes. </span><span class="fullpost">I'd rather not be murdered by tiny agents of the U.N. walking around on my brain thank you very much. I'd rather be ready for it.</span><span class="fullpost"> What will make us ready to fight the tiny men coming through the phone? Adult comic books full of real adult themes, that is who. But only if there are stories that help them prepare for these things. If they go away, be ready to find footprints on your brain dead person!</span><span class="fullpost"> I cannot be more clear on this point than that at all.<br /><br />And that, my dear friends, is the reason why Comics are NOT for children.<br /><br />Zoombaboom Babies!<br /><br />Dwight R. Vlahos</span>Dwight R. Vlahoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14821571335609602842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051026358926494373.post-29582063824521827502007-02-07T20:02:00.000-08:002007-04-08T12:35:54.837-07:00People who are not morons understand that Continuity Creates OpportunityIf you are reading this, and you are a moron, I am sorry that you are unable to stop being a moron. If you find yourself disagreeable with the mind thoughts expressed in this opinion piece (or op-ed in pro terms), then this is a clear sympton and or sign that you have moron tendencies. So before you express your moron tendencies it is important for you to listen to someone who makes sense in order for you to get over being stupid.<br /><br />Today's topic for people who are not stupid is <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Continuity, which is THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT ELEMENT OF A GOOD COMIC THAT IS NOT STUPID</span>. If you are a non-moron but do not understand what Continuity is then I will explain it now in non-moron language to create understanding in your mind brain.<span class="fullpost"><br /><br />Continuity is the flow of comics history. It reflects the details that form the lifeforce juices of a comicbook character lifeform. If a comicbook character lifeform were alive, continuity would not be a second thought, because we live with it every day. That time you asked every girl person in your highschool to prom, and none of them said yes, except for one girl who you didn't like very much because she was not attractive, who you decided to give your virginity to, who did not appreciate it when it was over too fast, who you then felt too embarrased to ever face again and then didn't talk to for the rest of your life out of revulsion and self-loathing? That is continuity in action!<br /><br />If you are fictional then imagine the possibilities and memories! If that is your real life well then buddy have I got some numbers for you to call. Please note that the above is not my life at ALL despite what people may tell you. Because of my deep understanding of continuity and its importance I can use that to create examples of deep meaning with my own mind thoughts and editor talents. <br /><br />Just like your own personal history of ups and downs reflects your own life, the life of a comic book character's history of events does the same. When Superman gets an ant head after being exposed to red kriptinite, that's part of his personal history. A good writer will remember all of these details, because, really, if your head turned into an ant-head you would remember that. So later, if Superman is exposed to red kriptinite and AGAIN gets his head turned into an ant-head, and he doesn't remember, and none of his fellow superheroes remember, but YOU remember, then that's wiered. Because it doesn't take a genius to realize that forgetting you once had an ant's head is just not possible.<br /><br />We'll set aside why Superman is such an awful idea for a character. Before that is done, it is a good time to point out that the utter stupidity of Superman as a character is what has lead to stories about red glowing rocks that make ant heads in the first place, but that is a digression best left for discussing at a time other than this moment, which is now.<br /><br />Instead of focusing on bad paths that stupid ideas lead down, it is better to focus on what has done been well. Take Deathlok. This character in his original continuity makes perfect sense. He is a science-fiction cyborg from the future (the year 1985) that is later sent back in time. This is a very simple conceptual idea and not difficult to understand due to non-complexity. It is (or was) easy to trace the history of Luther Manning from the future, to the past, to the present, then back to the future. The fact that he was a cyborg warrior from the future and remembered these things is what made the character great. When his brains were ripped out and replaced by another person's brain, the character lost all of that wonderous continuity, and the future world of 1985 was lost forever. The 'new' Deathlok without the knowledge of 1985 or the future disappeared and was replaced by something awful, which is the bad comic Deathlok became.<br /><br />What is the point of this? If the Marvel powers that be had simply left the character intact that would've created many opportunities for storytelling. It does not take a genius to know, for example, that the year 1985 is also the year of that awful Back to the Future movie series setting. Even those movies are terrible, they do exist and were popular in mass culture. Had the old Deathlok been allowed to keep his mind memory of his future 1985, then a crossover could've happened. How fantastic would that have been to see Deathlok perhaps hunt down Marty McFly and Doc Brown? It is what this fan would've easily paid 35 to 55 cents to read! Yet by ripping away that old memory with the new brain the chance to see Doc Brown get murdered by Deathlok was lost. Way to throw away 35 to 55 cents an issue Marvel!<br /><br />People who love comics love to know the whole history of a character because that is all that matters. If I know that Tony Stark drinks single malted brown whiskey, and then one day he drinks double malted brown whiskey, and he does not realize that there is something wrong, then that is (1) bad writing and (2) like I am no longer looking at a trusted friend but a stranger.<br /><br />So hey good aspiring writers, remember that all those details are important. If you pull away those details for the sake of some cockamamey story that you think is so great, just remember that you are (to use a metaphor) taking away the audience's chance to see Deathlook shoot Doc Brown.<br /><br />I cannot make this point any more strongly than that I think. Continuity matters people and is the only path to really great stories. Period. End of story. There is no more to say. Period. That is all. Period.<br /><br />Zoombaboom Babies!<br /><br />Dwight R. Vlahos</span>Dwight R. Vlahoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14821571335609602842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051026358926494373.post-8397165004433358662007-02-05T20:34:00.000-08:002007-04-08T12:35:23.628-07:00The Calm Time Before the Storm Creates the Opposite of CalmIf you are not a moron and you love <s>comiscs</s> comics then you found this blog on the world wide internet web. If you are not a moron and you knew <s>yours truly</s> me in the pre 21st century era known as the 20th century, then the previous posts are familiar to you. And if you're either of these people you're <s>probalby</s> saying to yourself hey, where the heck has Dwight been?<br /><br />It's complicated but really very simple. I lost total control of my websites due to fighting with <s>the skunk</s> my lovely ex-wife Ilsa, had to give them up because <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">the stupid Powers That Be (not as in that emo show Angel but as in the real powers that be, aka, googleblooger whatever) wouldn't give me back my passwords</span></span>.<span class="fullpost"><br /><br />But life is looking up like a hot air balloon filled with helium or something that makes it float. Even though I've been calling her skunk for years, me and Ilsa (who I 've used too many awful names to describe) have gotten back together in a realtionship. It is NOT another marriage, and technically I still owe alimony to her (every 30th, thanks Laywers!), but we're back together and that's all that matters.<br /><br />More importantly I have money for comic books again and it happens to coincide with the rebirth of awesome in comic books. While Deathlok has not yet returned in a meaningful way, adult stories have. This blog is a review to show all that good withn the adult comic industry and also what is a bad idea in that having comics for kids that use adult characters isn't good. I cannot be more clear on this point.<br /><br />So, sit back, read away, and remember ...<br /><br />Zoombaboom Babies!<br /><br />Dwight R. Vlahos<br /></span>Dwight R. Vlahoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14821571335609602842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051026358926494373.post-12883611052560800272005-02-05T20:26:00.000-08:002007-04-08T12:34:50.516-07:00How to make comics not be STupid: BRING BACK DEATHLOK!I've been a professional comic book editor freelancer for years now and it just sickens me how much the internet has made comics into something awful. For a long time I thought that the internet was part of the problem and it is obviously but maybe the problem was really that people with sense have been staying off of the internet, so by me staying off of the internet I was making the problem worse and not better by not adding some sense to what people are doing.<br /><br />THis is the being of comics right now. Comics are a butterfly sitting in a coccon just after a caterpillar has wrapped itself up. It's an industry waiting to explode into a giant "Moth" with which to devour and eat up entirely the boring and stupid parts of pop culture. THere are some comic creators who understand what it is that people are doing and should be doing in comics and <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">there are a lot who don't get it at ALL and just make things that no one in there right mind would ever want</span></span> unless they were crazy then they might want it. STOP MAKING COMICS FOR THE CRAZY!<span class="fullpost"><br /><br />Anyway, I've been off the internet for a while due to court order (back payments on alimony, it happens to everyone who has a Judge Jerk) but now I've got money back and I can't believe how many "columns" on this internet are talking about comics that should be great but can't seem to get it together. So I"m gong to get it together for them and fix it all. Listen to me and you won't be stupid anymore, because I'm not stupid and can make you not be stupid too if you listen.<br /><br />The first sign on the road that we're travelling that is called Not Stupid reads very simply in English that we should all want to "BRING BACK DEATHLOK!"<br /><br />This is what peopoel want and if it happens it means everything is great. So, while we take this journey together I want you to also know that I won't just tlak about Deathlok, I'll be giving tips for breaking into the industry and also on good writing techniuqes and on why comics like Deathlok should be made more and not less like they are now.<br /><br />So, here we go, get yourself seatbelted in because of stupid government regulations that require safety and make cars more expensive, and get ready to learn how to prevent the coming onslaught of horrible stupid comic books and pave the way for more of the fantastic kind of comic books we all want!<br /><br />Zoombaboom Babies!<br /><br />Dwight R. Vlahos</span>Dwight R. Vlahoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14821571335609602842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051026358926494373.post-57974792900440684712004-06-18T20:30:00.000-07:002007-04-08T12:33:17.114-07:00I Am Not Insane; "Gail Simone" Is A Creation of the IlluminatiI’m convinced, more and more, that everyone in the world is a moron except for me. The world makes sense in no way other than this, that everyone is a lunatic, except for me. But if everyone is crazy, and you are sane, does that make you insane? Yes, you are insane, but I am not insane. The ex-wife might disagree with this, but that’s why she’s the ex, because <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >she is insane and I am not. Insanity is suggesting selling the collection when you’ve got a house payment.</span> My solution was much simpler. As I explained to the skunk, we can always get a new house, but ****it woman, you don’t just FIND near-mint copies of the entire run of Charlton’s The Thing on e-bay every day of the week.<br /><br />I’m not going to waste precious netspace with rantings about the skunk. She isn’t really worth the effort. I don’t think about her. Ever. At all. I’m done thinking about her. See, I’m not thinking about her right now at all. I’m not thinking about the time she put all of my old Archie Digests into a BOX and left them near the WATERHEATER where they developed a strange MOLD that probably caused my pneumonia. NOT, as the skunk used to say, because we kept the heat at 50 degrees to save money. Learn to wear a sweater woman; I don’t care if they make you look fat! It’s your fat that makes you look fat. I’m done thinking about her.<span class="fullpost"><br /><br />I exercised the demons of my ex with a(nother) Marvel proposal that went nowhere; Ex-Wives. Some read this proposal and said, "This is an attempt at crass-commercialism, trying to cash in on the exciting buzz of the X-Men movie by slapping X in front of a book and calling it good." Others said, "Is this more crap about your ex-wife?" To which I reply, "It isn’t crap if it sells."<br /><br />Ex-Wives was aromatherapy. I used to squirt copious amounts of the skunk’s k-mart perfume near my desk before I started cranking on those proposal pages. For writers out there, this is amazingly effective. I’m considering sniffing some old army boots before I write start writing, "Amazing Soldier" again (for any fans out there, No, Sgt. Iron and Machete Woman are NOT getting back together--grow up, it’s just a comic). "Ex-Wives" was about the girls of the X-Men (Storm, Rogue, Shadowcat, Jean Grey, Emma Frost and Queen Iliandra) getting together to do woman things, like shop, bake, talk about the boys, that kind of thing, the kinds of things women do. They then take their sewing group to the next level, which is starting their own supergroup, bent on taking over the world. It would’ve been a company wide maxi-series crossover, with all of the women of Marvel becoming Ex-Wives, enslaving the men folks, and taking over the world (the kicker is when Reed Richards would’ve declared, "But Sue already rules my world!"). Anyway, the story would’ve ended with a new character I created called "The Man" who would come in, "romance" some of the key Ex-Wives, and show them all that the men-folks aren’t so bad, if you know what I mean (I’m with Joe Quesada, comics aren’t for kids, why should they be?). Anyway, I showed the proposal to some friends, they thought that the women seemed phony; I thought they were full of crap, and Marvel passed.<br /><br />Anyway, strangely, begrudgingly, I discovered that my friends were right. The biggest problem with Ex-Wives was that I had no idea, really, what it was like to be an ex-wife. My imagination couldn’t fill in the gaps of what it was like to be a woman, devastated that their men, "don’t understand them anymore *sob sob*." I KNOW that I write realistic men. Sure, Sgt. Iron may only have half of his brain, two wooden legs and a prosthetic eye, but he’s a guy, and one that many guys can relate to (it’s metaphors, people, learn to read).<br /><br />Now, I’ve read "Deadpool." I have a certain affinity for the character. Friends have told me before, "Dwight, you’re so much like Deadpool, it’s almost like I want to wretch every time I see your face." I understand what they mean ... it’s like, my spirit and his are so close, it’s scary ... a wise-cracking man of skill who doesn’t look to bad in tights, using guns to solve his problems. I mean, I don’t have the guns, nor do I have a healing factor, and I often think of great comebacks a few minutes after-the-fact, but I know what they’re talking about. I look GREAT in tights.<br /><br />Now, "Gail Simone" gets this, and she’s writing a guy’s guy. When I’m reading Deadpool, I’m thinking, "Hey, that’s me. That’s me to a t." It’s like "Gail" is following me around, recording the things I would say, and then going back later and translating them into scripts. Of course, I don’t REALLY think I’m being followed (I have medication to help me with that). It’s metaphors, as I’ve said. Anyway, as I’ve finished issue #66, all I have to say is that there is no possible way that "Gail Simone" could be a woman, at least not the one writing Deadpool. A woman couldn’t write a guy that well.<br /><br />I have a theory. I believe that "Gail Simone" is an internet creation, a pen name being used by a conglomerate of writers, much like William Shakespeare was really a pen name used by a group that was the precursor of the Illuminati to push their "agenda." I can’t prove that there is a "Gail Simone"/Illuminati connection ... my guts say that there is, because I cannot reconcile a woman writing a guy’s guy so well, when I know that guys can only write guys, and women can only write women. So, and I want this on the record, I’m going to be the first to say that "Gail Simone" is actually a creation of the Illuminati, being used as a mouth-piece for various sect members. There is no way that one writer could have such a broad range, especially if she’s a broad. You can take it from me, readers ... watch out for this "woman", especially if she’s writing the men. I’m going back to read everything that she’s written, and when I can decode some of it with my Illuminati handbook, I’ll post a report on the connection.<br /><br />Anyway, for the folks out there, stick to what you know. I still think that, as a premise, "Ex-Wives" could make a great marvel comic, and is the kind of comic that I imagine women would go for in droves. Perhaps the new editorial board at Marvel now realizes this. It’s all about market expansion, Marvel Comics, you have to get the people into the shops, and some of those people are women. Boys, to get the girls into the shops, we need to be making things that they want, like a Wonder Woman easy bake oven, or Invisible Woman training bras, or She-Hulk tampons, that kind of thing. Woman stuff.<br /><br />Anyway, I’m not ready to go back to that proposal now, but in the future, I’m all for it. All I need is the right woman to write the woman parts of the comic, because frankly, I don’t understand the woman parts all that well. If you’re a lady interested in breaking into comics, lets go have some coffee and talk about ourselves, and see if we can make a connection. As always, you have my email address or can post a message here.<br /><br />Zoombaboom, babies!<br /><br />Dwight R. Vlahos</span>Dwight R. Vlahoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14821571335609602842noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051026358926494373.post-86264709384945795282004-06-18T11:40:00.000-07:002007-04-08T12:32:45.447-07:00An Open Letter to Marvel ComicsPublication of a new Deathlok mini for the "Marvel MAX" line is fast approaching. While my pleas and emails have, to my knowledge, most likely been ignored, now that I have a forum (a public forum) in which to point out a few things, I'm going to use it, in the hopes that anything you do to ruin "Deathlok the Destroyer" as American art can be quickly reversed. This is assuming that you didn't take any of the advice I provided (freely, only in the hopes that Deathlok wouldn't be ruined anymore than he already has). If you did take the advice, excellent, but dirty pool for not just sending a reply back to say, "hey, thanks Dwight, thanks for the insight." <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >It's the little things, fellas, that keep us all sane in an insane business like comics. Professionals know this. </span>Courtesy. Learn this idea. If you did ignore my advice, then all I can is, "fools," with a sad shake of my head.<br /><br />Rather than bore my reading audience with details about my well-documented love for Deathlok the Destroyer/Luther Manning (ask Tyler Robards about this one, hey Tyler, where are my dishes?), and about my subsequent proposals to Marvel editorial over the years for a Deathlok revival of one sort or another. My first pre-dates the Dwayne MacDuffie rendition/travesty that occurred--Deathlok as pacifist family man, pshaw, what sane man would write such a thing? Deathlok is NOT a superhero, repeat, not a superhero, repeat again, not a superhero, repeat once more, Deathlok is not a superhero. Don't give him any trappings that make him a superhero, like a wife or a secret identity or that nonsense. He kicks tail with guns, as I've made sure to include in EVERY SINGLE PITCH I've sent to Marvel for the series. I'll skip write to the chase. These are the rules to follow for writing Deathlok.<span class="fullpost"><br /><br />And by rules I mean laws, and by laws I mean that if you don't follow these, then your Deathlok is just another clown in spandex throwing batarangs. And by batarangs I mean that as a metaphor for juggling balls, like the kind that clowns use when entertaining children. If you ignore these rules, as you have apparently ignored my missives, then your Deathlok will be a clown juggling clown balls at a clown party for children who like clowns. Granted, those metaphoric clown balls might be guns, and those metaphoric clowns are actually men in tights, so I guess it's better to say your new Deathlok will be a clown juggling guns at a party for kids who like men in tights who juggle clown balls juggled by cyborgs.<br /><br />I did a pitch for Deathlok in 1997, if you'll remember, called "Deathlok: The Man of Iron." A sort of revamping of Deathlok, starting from the ground up, but using the original source material as a guide-post. The basic story? Best summed up in this line of marketing that I proposed. "Luther Manning returns from the grave, and he's going to shoot off his guns!" This is, of course, a prototypical metaphor for man's inhumanity, and his inability to resolve conflict without violence, vis-à-vis, explored through his need, desire, to shoot his weapons. This is not, as my ex-wife has claimed when I've read her these pitches over the phone, a metaphor (or my attempt at a metaphor) for sexual dysfunctions of a "premature" sort of nature. No, it's simpler than that, and at the same time more complicated. It's deeper, because it isn't about sex, it's about the guns and shooting them, but realizing in a metatextual way that shooting the guns isn't good, it's bad, but it's a good feeling to do that. And without the need for any cursing, either, that's important. But it's definitely not about sexual premature problems of any sort (not that I have any, despite what the skunk might say).<br /><br />I'm off the subject, way off the subject, so let's just get to the rules, now.<br /><br />1. Luther Manning is Deathlok. Anyone else that is Deathlok is actually Not Deathlok, and should be referred to this way. If Deathlok is reimagined as "Irving Schwartz" then another character should look at Not Deathlok and say, "That is Not Deathlok, that is Irving Schwartz." Good writers can do this subtley.<br /><br />2. If Luther Manning is Not Deathlok, then by issue #3 he should be Deathlok again.<br /><br />3. Deathlok is not a superhero. He has powers, he is unstoppable, he has enemies and he fights them. He has a uniform, not a spandex costume, and not a faux-uniform like "Ecchs-Men" or "Ex-Force" or my "Ex-Wife" who works at Burger King, but a uniform. These things do not make him a superhero. He's a sci-fi character. Learn the difference.<br /><br />4. Crossovers with Howard the Duck are acceptable only if he shoots the duck.<br /><br />5. Crossover with Marvel Proper characters should be considered "out of continuity" for Deathlok, and only moments up to issue #17 of the original series should be considered "in-continuity." If these moments occur, then they should be considered part of Not Deathlok continuity (as most of Deathlok appearances should be, and are considered, by both the recognized Deathlok fan community and anyone who is Not Insane).<br /><br />6. Deathlok is not a superhero. I cannot emphasize this enough. Not Deathlok might be a superhero, but if Not Deathlok is a superhero, this is okay, because Not Deathlok is "not Deathlok", it's something else, which is Not Deathlok. This should be clear.<br /><br />7. Deathlok will not swear, ever. Luther Manning was an Army Colonel, and a man of that rank would never swear on purpose. If he does, this is wrong, and should be immediately explained as a glitch in his programming, or as something done by someone that is Not Deathlok (see rule 6 for additional Not Deathlok explainations).<br /><br />8. Deathlok does not wear tights. Not Deathlok can wear tights, but only because Not Deathlok is "not Deathlok."<br /><br />Consider these rules as a vow of chastity of sorts, and follow them. They are important. Don't fall into that Garth "Penis Envy" Ennis trap of shooting your mouth off through your lead character while they shoot guns and swear swear swear. Real men don't swear. Clint Eastwood never swore once as the Man with No Name, and if he was the Man Named Deathlok, then he would never need to swear as he shot a plasma grenade into a tank.<br /><br />Because real men, they don't swear when they shoot plasma grenades, and they don't wear spandex when they're doing that, and Deathlok is a real man, a man's man, even though he's a cyborg, and he won't wear tights, and if he is, then he's Not Deathlok.<br /><br />Don't write Not Deathlok. Write Deathlok, Luther Manning, man's man, no tights, shooting things, not a metaphor for sexual dysfunction.<br /><br />Follow these rules, or risk screwing up a character that is impossible to screw up if the rules are followed. Remember, no clowns juggling for men in tights, and you'll be fine.<br /><br />If you aren't, then I'm around to pick up the pieces. As always, you have my email address, or can post messages here.<br /><br />Zoombaboom Babies!<br /><br />Dwight R. Vlahos<br /></span>Dwight R. Vlahoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14821571335609602842noreply@blogger.com0