1. Comic Books are NOT for children. Period.

THE LIST: THINGS TO MAKE A GOOD COMIC BOOK (#1 of an ongoing series of writings)

In my year(s) of professional freelance editorial experience it has come to my attention, and to the attention of anyone who has paid attention to the ups and downs of the comic book business industry that it is a cyclical business. As in, it turns like a circle, sometimes bringing people up to a peak like a Ferris Wheel and at other times tipping those same Ferris Wheel people down like people on a Ferris Wheel without proper seat restraints. It brings you up and it dumps you down.

But there are certain things, if you have the sense to realize it, that do not and should not change. In comics there are rules that are rules not because they are written down, but because they are so true that there is no denying them. I am now writing down these rules for people because so many seem to violate them and create sub-superior bad work. There would be less bad work in comic books and the comic book industry if everyone would take it more seriously than they do, from fans to professionals like me. So without more explaining, it is now time for the list. Item number one to help comics become the serious evolved art they should be.

1. Comic Books are NOT for children. Period.


This should be an obvious point to any non-moron in the world. Unfortunately the world is full of morons in more quantity than non-morons. So, this is an explaination for morons in the hope that they can be converted by that quality called Common Sense.

Most children do not read very well. This is a well known scientific fact. If you have to 'dumb down' a comic so a child can understand the words in it, that is a sign that the writing will be bad and not contain any themes that an adult would find interesting. Adults want stories about other flying adults, not flying adults who children can understand. I have read far, far, far, far, far, far too many comics that were 'dumbed down' for kids. When they are dumbed down for kids, you don't get great stories for adults that explore adult themes.

Take the X-Men movies. These are most obviously set in a 'comic-booky' kind of world and talk down to the audience. They do not consider what it would be like to have the ability to fly in the real world, or have mental powers, or to have indestructible claws and super computers. When entertainment is done CORRECTLY, it helps prepare people for the real world.

Dirty Harry, for example, helps many conservatives people like myself think through crime and gun control issues. If you were faced with Al Kaida Nazi Commies in your house, and you had a gun, then you would love to be ready to say, "Go ahead make my day!" to give you enough courage to blow away the evil-doer.

So, that is what adult stories get us ready for. They get us ready to be adults or help adults to be ready for situations that could someday happen. With the world moving as fast as it is it will not be long before people become bullet proof and can travel through time and fly around. That is science and how it works!

Normally I stay away from Distinguished Competition comics, but I picked up a few issues of Identity Crisis. This comic broached a lot of real world subjects that are going to be important to us soon. What happens when the day comes that people CAN shrink themselves down to tiny tiny sizes and use that advantage to travel through telephones, jump into peoples ears, then murder those same people by walking around on their brains? Also the rape "issue" while normally a feminazi concern, is used to good affect in this story because it brings up a very real world concern. The rape question in Identitify Crisis makes you ask yourself, "What happens when we have science-based superheroes living above us who can make 'bad people' forget things? How do we decide who is bad or good and who decides that? Who keeps an eye on the other people who are watching us?" It might not seem like an important issue now, but I guarantee you that if the U.N. has their way, we all know that soon such a reality will come to pass all too soon.

So that is the fine line to cross. While children may be enlightened to the truths of the coming real world, the adult themes would most likely make them cry, and then get the womens groups all upset, and then suddenly the real, valuable adult themes go away and what happens? Suddenly the One World Government has got tiny people murdering us over the phone--and no one is ready at all to stop it.

Personally and profesionally, I think that it is important that we are ready to fight the coming horribleness, in order to PROTECT the children from it. Otherwise, we'll all be too dumb to fight it when it comes. I'd rather not be murdered by tiny agents of the U.N. walking around on my brain thank you very much. I'd rather be ready for it. What will make us ready to fight the tiny men coming through the phone? Adult comic books full of real adult themes, that is who. But only if there are stories that help them prepare for these things. If they go away, be ready to find footprints on your brain dead person! I cannot be more clear on this point than that at all.

And that, my dear friends, is the reason why Comics are NOT for children.

Zoombaboom Babies!

Dwight R. Vlahos