Sunday, March 25, 2007

COMING SOON: World Wide Exclusive Interview with J-Bolt!

I have been working my mind-brain on an interview to publish with J-bolt very soon. It was originally conducted in February but it has been delayed due to 'adult' concerns from my wife, Ilsa.

Ilsa has limited the amount of time I can spend on the Internet. For a woman, she has a surprising grasp of mathematics and how to manipulate men with 'adult' favors. In the case of us, the formula she has developed is free time minus time on the internet plus money equals the amount of time we can spend in connubial fusion.

As an aside, this is why Hillary Clinton could make a formidable President if she didn't suffer from two major problems. Her two biggest problems are that (1) she is not very attractive and (2) she is a Demoncrat. Yes, I used the word Demoncrat, because that best describes them. Now, if Ann Coulter was running it would be in the bag. She somehow manages to think like a man AND be attractive. It is hard to follow her woman logic at times, but when it's man logic it does make me feel a little wierd. I mean, it's like I'm listening to a man AND feeling adult stirrings. But there's no conflict. Sometimes I just turn off the sound and watch her, and imagine her saying adult things to me. Ilsa doesn't mind. She considers those times when I watch the old VHS tapes of Ann Coulter as, "time off." Like when I am working on an editing project or painting model ships.

What does this have to do with j-bolt? Nothing! But ...

... this is a blog and so mind-thoughts often come spilling out into it. So the next thing now? The interview with J-Bolt, world famous on the Internet for his art, is coming soon. There is one follow-up I have to do, but after that it should be almost ready to appear EXCLUSIVELY HERE unless it also appears other places, but it is EXCLUSIVELY FIRST HERE!

Zoombaboom Babies!

Dwight R. Vlahos

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

OFF TOPIC - The Great Global Warming Swindle is the most important thing you will ever see ever

There is a small disident movement that is growing into a larger movement that is trying to get the truth about "global warming" out in the open. Everyone with a brain knows that the Earth is not getting warmer.

The Great Global Warming Swindle

Now, there are 'sources' which claim that the movie is full of 'junk science' and 'inaccuracies' and everything. In fact, a so-called 'source' claims that the movie has many distortions and errors.

The real global warming swindle
A Channel 4 documentary claimed that climate change was a conspiratorial lie. But an analysis of the evidence it used shows the film was riddled with distortions and errors. By Steve Connor

You would think that this would end up being laughed off as ridiculous. But there IS a conspiracy at foot. Because if you look here one of the people in the movie has said that he was lied to about his role in the movie and also about what the movie was going to be about PROVES IT THAT THE CONSPIRACY IS REAL!

Climate scientist 'duped to deny global warming'
Ben Goldacre and David Adam
Sunday March 11, 2007
The Observer,,2031455,00.html
"A leading US climate scientist is considering legal action after he says he was duped into appearing in a Channel 4 documentary that claimed man-made global warming is a myth. Carl Wunsch, professor of physical oceanography at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, said the film, The Great Global Warming Swindle, was 'grossly distorted' and 'as close to pure propaganda as anything since World War Two'."

Now if you have a non-brain, you would think that this is clear evidence that there's something wrong with the movie. BUT THIS PROVES THE CONSPIRACY! Because the Global Warming Cabal is so deep that it can make a person say such things! Yes, I know, Exxon-Mobil is the largest corporation in the world, they have funded some anti-global warming campaigns, blah blah blah. But Exxon-Mobil couldn't have made someone say the opposite of what they were saying, so it must be the mind-control powers of the Global Warming Conspiracy Cabal. I mean, even this documentary is largely secret and wasn't broadcast on a major network, again proving how hard it is to get the world to hear the conspiracy.

Anyway, the Global Warming conspiracy is as real as hot sauce on ice-cream and tastes as good as rubber tires on tacos. I cannot be more clear than this at all.

Zoombaboom Babies!
Dwight R. Vlahos

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Friday, February 9, 2007

Underwear Heroes: What's the Appeal?

I have a love/hate (but mostly hate) relationship with Underwear Heroes in general. The majority of comic books produced in the world and in the America are stories featuring superhumans running around with their underwear outside of their pants ... HELLO HUMANS THAT IS NOT NORMAL! It is creepy for the most part, like watching a Shakespearian play where all the women parts are played by men with men parts, and realizing the men playing the women parts are more attractive than your wife. Not my wife, though, I like Ilsa's little moustache!

The important question on this here, though, is what the heck is the big deal about these underwear heroes in the first place at all? There are some comics that treat haivng supernatural extreme powers in a realistic, adult manner and, though I find it shocking, they end up making perfect sense. Like Identity Crisis manages to take the ludicrously inane concept of underwear hero drama and turn it into an engaging, perfect mystery with a conclusion that rivets and rocked a group of heroes and forced them to question their very morals! It felt like what I have to do, day after day, in my own life of dramatic choices. Except the clothes were different. So, why does Identity Crisis make for a perfect Underwear Hero book where all others fail?

The answer is, of course, relatability to other humans. Science fiction concepts make sense to people because they are based on the realness of science, coupled with the emotions that we all understand.

Some underwear comics capture this and some characters personify it in their character pepole. There are many of the comics that I've waxed and waned with that some, yes, have appeal. I understand Cyclops as a character, very well, having warn glasses all my life. There are times where I've been so 'angry' that I felt like if I took my glassess off that I would blast someone in the face with optic rays. Once that actually happened to me. I got so angry that I took off my glasses and hit someone in the face with an optic blast. Except it wasn't red laser beams, it was spit. And the spit came out of my mouth, not my eyes. Otherwise it was exactly the same as shooting someone with laser eyes. Then I got punched in the ear.

But it all made sense with the ruby laser beams because I could relate to it! This is where most underwear hero books come out stupid. Superman is the worst idea ever for a character because he is fake science-fiction. For one, his personality makes no sense. For another, his powers come with barely any restraints. He is never in any danger, and the one thing that does seem dangerous to him is a glowing green rock. THAT IS STUPID AND UNRELATABLE! Also, there are no adult life lessons to learn in stories about a guy in his long-johns flying around who's afraid of glowing green rocks, except for, hey, if you meet a guy in blue underwear who says, "Get that rock away from me!" it's a good time to find that guy a home. So, that's Superman, a guy who should be in a home for the mentally crippled.

Identity Crisis, however, offers something relatable. Now, unless you have had your head stuck up your own butt for the last few years, you've probably seen or read about this comic. Let me sum it up. Some stupid guy who's like Plastics Guy (who's name is Elonging Man) has a wife who ends up burned up in a mystery. The mystery is so complicated and has so many twists and turns that Batman (who is supposedly a great world detective) can't figure it out what happened and how Elonging Man's wife died. There are funerals, then it gets into real world territory. It turns out Elonging Man's wife had been raped by a criminal. As a husband, I know that knowing something like that would devastate me. It was good to see a story that dealt with how a man would have to deal with a his woman's rape. We've seen the stories about how women deal with it, blah blah blah, but what about the man's feelings in this kind of situation?

Then it turns out that Atom Man (a guy who shrinks) has a crazy wife, and his crazy wife is the one who killed the other one. The crazy Atom Man's wife shrank, jumped into the Elonging Man's wife's brain, then killed her on accident, then burned her up with a flamethrower that she brought with her. The reason why none of the men could figure it out? Simple--none of it makes any sense! The reason none of it makes any sense? BECAUSE A WOMAN DID IT! WOMEN DO NOT MAKE ANY KIND OF BRAIN SENSE! So, here's another real world life lesson, for men in the real world, women are constantly doing things that make no sense, which is why we do not understand them.

This comic helped me realize that the problems I've had with my wife were because of this simple fact sinking in again, thanks to this comic. She does not make sense because she is a woman, and they do not make sense. Identity Crisis is all about women doing things that do not make sense, from erasing people's mind brains to bringing flame throwers with them everywhere, to other things that do not make sense. It helps remind us that women really are creatures with a different way of thinking from the men.

If only all comic books about underwear hereos had such great, emotional and real themes, then maybe they'd all be worth reading. If you know of any underwear hero books that might be worth reading, I MIGHT be willing to check it out. But it had better have something real and adult in it without any phoney baloney, or it's just more moron crap.

Zoombaboom Babies!

Dwight R. Vlahos

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Thursday, February 8, 2007

1. Comic Books are NOT for children. Period.

THE LIST: THINGS TO MAKE A GOOD COMIC BOOK (#1 of an ongoing series of writings)

In my year(s) of professional freelance editorial experience it has come to my attention, and to the attention of anyone who has paid attention to the ups and downs of the comic book business industry that it is a cyclical business. As in, it turns like a circle, sometimes bringing people up to a peak like a Ferris Wheel and at other times tipping those same Ferris Wheel people down like people on a Ferris Wheel without proper seat restraints. It brings you up and it dumps you down.

But there are certain things, if you have the sense to realize it, that do not and should not change. In comics there are rules that are rules not because they are written down, but because they are so true that there is no denying them. I am now writing down these rules for people because so many seem to violate them and create sub-superior bad work. There would be less bad work in comic books and the comic book industry if everyone would take it more seriously than they do, from fans to professionals like me. So without more explaining, it is now time for the list. Item number one to help comics become the serious evolved art they should be.

1. Comic Books are NOT for children. Period.

This should be an obvious point to any non-moron in the world. Unfortunately the world is full of morons in more quantity than non-morons. So, this is an explaination for morons in the hope that they can be converted by that quality called Common Sense.

Most children do not read very well. This is a well known scientific fact. If you have to 'dumb down' a comic so a child can understand the words in it, that is a sign that the writing will be bad and not contain any themes that an adult would find interesting. Adults want stories about other flying adults, not flying adults who children can understand. I have read far, far, far, far, far, far too many comics that were 'dumbed down' for kids. When they are dumbed down for kids, you don't get great stories for adults that explore adult themes.

Take the X-Men movies. These are most obviously set in a 'comic-booky' kind of world and talk down to the audience. They do not consider what it would be like to have the ability to fly in the real world, or have mental powers, or to have indestructible claws and super computers. When entertainment is done CORRECTLY, it helps prepare people for the real world.

Dirty Harry, for example, helps many conservatives people like myself think through crime and gun control issues. If you were faced with Al Kaida Nazi Commies in your house, and you had a gun, then you would love to be ready to say, "Go ahead make my day!" to give you enough courage to blow away the evil-doer.

So, that is what adult stories get us ready for. They get us ready to be adults or help adults to be ready for situations that could someday happen. With the world moving as fast as it is it will not be long before people become bullet proof and can travel through time and fly around. That is science and how it works!

Normally I stay away from Distinguished Competition comics, but I picked up a few issues of Identity Crisis. This comic broached a lot of real world subjects that are going to be important to us soon. What happens when the day comes that people CAN shrink themselves down to tiny tiny sizes and use that advantage to travel through telephones, jump into peoples ears, then murder those same people by walking around on their brains? Also the rape "issue" while normally a feminazi concern, is used to good affect in this story because it brings up a very real world concern. The rape question in Identitify Crisis makes you ask yourself, "What happens when we have science-based superheroes living above us who can make 'bad people' forget things? How do we decide who is bad or good and who decides that? Who keeps an eye on the other people who are watching us?" It might not seem like an important issue now, but I guarantee you that if the U.N. has their way, we all know that soon such a reality will come to pass all too soon.

So that is the fine line to cross. While children may be enlightened to the truths of the coming real world, the adult themes would most likely make them cry, and then get the womens groups all upset, and then suddenly the real, valuable adult themes go away and what happens? Suddenly the One World Government has got tiny people murdering us over the phone--and no one is ready at all to stop it.

Personally and profesionally, I think that it is important that we are ready to fight the coming horribleness, in order to PROTECT the children from it. Otherwise, we'll all be too dumb to fight it when it comes.
I'd rather not be murdered by tiny agents of the U.N. walking around on my brain thank you very much. I'd rather be ready for it. What will make us ready to fight the tiny men coming through the phone? Adult comic books full of real adult themes, that is who. But only if there are stories that help them prepare for these things. If they go away, be ready to find footprints on your brain dead person! I cannot be more clear on this point than that at all.

And that, my dear friends, is the reason why Comics are NOT for children.

Zoombaboom Babies!

Dwight R. Vlahos

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